Merry Christmas

Baby C got lots of presents this year. It got a bassinet, a Baby Bullet food maker, a thermometer, books, a cow that sings and several very cute outfits. Thank you to our wonderful families for spoiling our baby to be!

Holidays!

This last weekend we had our first 2 family Christmases. It is so exciting to think about bringing our own kid next year. The baby was even in on one of the exchanges this year. It got a beautiful white handmade blanket, a bib that says "Star of Mommy's Blog", a frame and some decal stickers for the car. The stickers are the little people that you see on the back of cars. We have a dad, a mom, a big dog, a little dog and a baby. Luckily, there is both a girl baby and a boy baby to choose from.

My appetite is returning so I enjoyed eating all the yummy holiday foods. I even enjoyed some desserts. I ate them cautiously but I didn't feel too bad afterwards.

My hormones also seem to be evening out. For several days now I have felt very positive. There are so many reasons why I should feel blessed every day, but on the sad days I seem to forget them.

Today's doctor's appointment went well. I didn't get to see the baby but I did get to hear the heartbeat. It was 164 which she said was perfect.

Only one more month until we know if we're are having a princess or a prince.

Little Wonder

Today was my first official OB appointment with my new doctor. I'm discouraged because I did not gain back the weight I was hoping to, I lost another pound. I have been trying so hard to eat. If this were happening under regular circumstances, I would be thrilled. But each day my appetite returns a little bit more so I'm sure in no time I will be having the exact opposite problem.

It is amazing to me that a little baby is inside of me. I can feel the effects of it (cramping, nausea, etc.), but it's strange to not be able to see it or feel it moving. I am anxious to watch my belly grow.

It finally seems real to me now. I guess before I was too nervous to let myself believe I was going to have a baby. I was excited, but it didn't start to feel real until recently. I've been spending my lunch hours looking up nursery and shower ideas. This new journey is going to be so much fun.

Teddy Bear

Today was the best ultrasound ever. The baby actually looks like a baby now. We could see its arms and legs for the first time. It even moved around a couple times. It looks like a little teddy bear to me. In the picture it is facing straight out with its head to the left.

I have strict instructions to eat more. I lost another 2 pounds and the nurse was concerned. I have to eat something every 90 minutes. Nothing big, just a couple crackers, some peanuts, a half a banana, etc. My goal is to gain back those 2 pounds by the time I go to my next doctors appointment next week.

This might be my last ultrasound for awhile. I don't think they do them as much at the regular doctors.


“There are only two ways to live…one is as though nothing is a miracle….the other is as if everything is.”
- Albert Einstein

Cookie Night

My energy has been returning slowly but surely. Each day I feel like I can conquer a little bit more. I even put up our Christmas decorations.

Wednesday is my last appointment with my fertility doctor. Tonight Jennifer and I are making cookies to give them. If everything goes as planned there should be sugar cookies and snicker doodles to go. I'm even going to attempt to eat one of each. The baby is still anti-sugar, so I might not feel so well afterwards, but I think it will be worth it.

I did buy one thing for the baby. It is a set of Curious George sheets. Curious George is going to be our boy theme for the nursery. The sheets were going on clearance and they wouldn't have been there in Jan/Feb when we find out if it's a girl or boy. The sheets are adorable. They were the only ones I could find that had the original George character, not the new version.

9 Weeks

Tomorrow I will be 9 weeks pregnant. My appointment last Wednesday went really well. The baby was a 1/2 inch long and its heartbeat was up to 174. My last appointment with my fertility doctor is the Wednesday after next. By then they said we should be able to distinguish arms and legs on the ultrasound.

I haven't been feeling so well lately. My cold is all gone but the fatigue and nausea decided to stay. I feel so drained all the time.

The baby is also very picky about what it likes to eat. The other day the only thing that sounded good was Pizza Hut. Shane and I went and I wanted to order everything on the menu. I settled for pizza, bread sticks and salad. I wanted to order soup but Shane put a stop to my ordering spree. When I feel hungry for something I jump at the opportunity to eat it.

I'm looking forward to the second trimester. I hear it's much better.

The Cake

It all started with the cake. Thursday at work we had cake for my birthday. Afterwards it felt like I had eaten a pound of sugar. Apparently, the baby doesn't like cake. I don't know why anyone wouldn't like cake, but I'm definitely going to steer clear for awhile. I haven't eaten any sweets since. Well to be fair, I haven't eaten much of anything since. The cake illness led right into a nasty cold on Friday. That combined with nausea made for a bad weekend. And to top things off I had some spotting on Saturday and Sunday. I called the after hours nurse line and she said to come in this morning for an ultrasound. Luckily, everything is fine. The baby is still healthy. It's heartbeat is faster and it has already grown some since Wednesday.

Heartbeat

Today we saw and heard the heartbeat. It was amazing. The heartbeat is 110. The nurse verified that there is only one in there and that everything is normal. She said I could breathe a sigh of relieve because the touchy time is over.

I don't have to go back for another 2 weeks. By then it will resemble a gummy bear. Two weeks after that it will look like a real baby. The picture is blurry because I took it with my phone, but the baby is in the top right hand side of the black dot. It's the size of a sweet pea. I'm keeping all my ultrasound pictures and putting them in a scrapbook.

Today mom made a heart shaped brownie for "heartbeat day". The baby also got a onesie that says "I love my Auntie". You'll never guess who that was from. Good thing its closet is ready and waiting. My tasks for the next two weeks are to get a flue shot and find a doctor....and work on my wish list.

Favorite Things

I have been compiling a list of my favorite baby things. Today the list got larger. Jennifer and I looked around Babies R Us and found lots of cool things. The bassinet pictured is the oldest item on my list. I found it online a couple months ago and can't wait to put a baby in it. I have been feeling much more positive lately. The cramping has went down some and that makes me more confident that we will be hearing a heartbeat.

Relaxing

Today was rough. My butt is so sore from the progesterone shots and my stomach was all crampy. The nurse said the cramps should feel more like pulling from the ligaments stretching, but I can’t tell the difference. It worries me. The only way it feels good is if I’m laying down. It’s a lot of pressure being the one person who is responsible for keeping your baby safe. And when I feel cramping I feel like I’m not doing my job. I don’t want the baby to go away. I want to keep it safe and healthy. All of this combined make me want to cry. I didn’t actually cry but I wanted to. Once I hear the heartbeat I will feel so much better. The risk of miscarriage is much lower after you hear the heart. Luckily, I lasted the whole day and now I get to relax in front of the TV. On Demand is a wonderful thing.


For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:13-14

Picture Day

Today was our baby's first picture day. The baby is too small too see, but it is inside that little black dot almost directly in the center of the picture. It is placed perfectly inside the uterus. I can breath a sigh of relief. I never thought we would make it this far. Next week is my first official OB appointment. We should be able to see it's heart beating by then. As of today they only saw one baby. The nurse doesn't expect it to change by next week, but she said we will know for sure when we can see the heart.

Good News

My HCG levels are rising faster than the nurse predicted. The number today was 871. I get to have my ultrasound on Wednesday! They don't expect to know if its twins on Wednesday but they will be able to make sure the baby is attached correctly to the uterus. I can't wait to see it. It will make me feel so much better. I'm still nervous that somethings going to go wrong, but with each good test result, I get a little more confident.

I have started reading to it. I am aware that it can't hear me, but it makes me feel good anyways.

Levels

I emailed the nurse last night to get the actual HCG level from my first blood test. She told me over the phone but i wasn't listening too well. I was in shock that she told me it worked. I was a little discouraged that the number was lower than I remembered. It was 26 instead of 56. I think the important part though is that by Thursday (2.5 days later) it was 152. That means it is doubling every day. I'm crossing my fingers that these numbers will keep increasing and I will get to meet our little embryo.

Pep Rally

There was a suprise Pep Rally for the little embryo today!

2nd Blood Test

The nurse just called with my blood test results. The numbers are increasing normally. It was a huge reassurance. I have another test on Monday and she thought that maybe by next friday my levels would be high enough to have an ultrasound.

So Excited

Thank you for all of your kind words. Shane and I are so excited. I can't believe that something finally worked. It still feels too good to be true. I wish I felt like I was pregnant. It might make it seem more real. I just feel normal. I'm still having some spotting but the nurse said its common with invitro. I still don't like it. It makes me nervous. Tomorrow I have my hormone levels checked again. I will feel better after I know it is progressing normally. Yesterday I started reading "What to Expect When You're Expecting". There was so much information. I felt like I should be taking notes. I think I might get my highlighter out tonight. I'm going to do everything I can to make our baby stay strong and healthy.

It Worked!

This morning the nurse called with great news. I am pregnant!!!! I thought for sure that it didn't work. I even took the blood test 2 days early because I just wanted to get it over with. I am still in shock. I hope this baby is strong and sticks around. I love it already.

The Wait

Its really weird to be going about my daily life not knowing whats going on in my own body. Only 5 1/2 more days until we find out. I've been working on a "Wish List" just incase. So far, it includes a girls bedding set and a gender neutral bassinet.

Every day I do research online but each day I come to the same 2 conclusions:
1. It doesn't matter what the statistics are, it either worked or it didn't
2. There is no secret clue to knowing if it worked. You just have to wait unitl the blood test.

Progesterone Test

I went after work yesterday and had my progesterone test. Among other tihings, progesterone prepares the lining of the uterus for implantation. The nurse called on my way to work today with the results. It was exceptional. That means, if the embryos were to try to implant, they could. I am slightly concerned that the environment is too good and both embryos implated. In the beginning I thought twins would be great but its staring to scare me a bit.

Several Things

I am so tired of my progesterone shots. The shot itself is not bad, its the muscle pain afterwards.

Last night was cleaning night. Someone is going to come look at the house on Wednesday and I wanted it to look its best. The only catch was that I tried cleaning it Sunday night and was in so much pain afterwards from moving around so much. Luckily Jennifer came to the rescue and she and Libby (along with Libbys husband and his friend) came over and deep cleaned. It looks so good. I could have never done it without them.

I got the final word from the embryologist. Seven embryos were frozen. On the plus side, if this attempt doesn't work, we have several more embryos to use. On the downside, if this attempt does work, we have several more ebryos to use. We decided that if the situation ever presents itself, were we still have embros left over and we are done having children, that we would decide what to do with the left over embryos then. No need to worry about something that might not even happen.

I showed everyone at work the pictures of my embryo babies. I am so proud of them. Even if they don't make it, they tried their best.

Implantation occurs 2-5 days after the embryo transfer. Since the transfer was on Friday, tomorrow is the last day for them to implant. I hope they have already.

It feels like my life is so up in the air. No matter what happens, my life will change course forever.

Transfer Day

This is a picture of my three best embryos. Two of them were put back in me today. I sure hope atleast one of them wants to be our baby.

I'm on bedrest for 2 days. I thought it was going to be great but I'm already getting bored. You wouldn't believe how many things you think you need when you can't get up to get them. Jennifer and Mom have been taking good care of me though.

The transfer was pretty easy today. I was suprised how different it was from an IUI. Everyone was so cold and business like. Shane couldn't even be in the room which I guess makes scense I just hadn't thought about it before. At one point during the transfer I started to have some cramping and I was afraid something was going wrong. I asked but all they said was "You need to lay really still". I was laying still, but I thought it would have been nice for them to reassure me. I guess as long as they are good at what they do its not that important that they have good bedside manner.

Shane did a really good job on the way home and drove very calmly. I layed in the passenger seat with my feet on the dashboard the whole way home.

Now the wait begins. My first pregnancy test is on the 19th.

Today IS The Day!

They called a little bit ago to tell us that 9 of our 11 embyros are doing good. Three of them have 8 cells which means they are the best. That means the transfer is today. We are so excited! We should be to Chicago in a little over an hour.

Its Getting Close

Tomorrow might be the big day but it might not be. We wont know until sometime tomorrow morning. Just incase it’s tomorrow I did some prep work. I’m washing laundry so I will have a couple pairs of pajamas to wear during my bed rest and I got my bed area all organized and ready.

Today was the third day I had to get a progesterone shot. It doesn’t hurt at the time, but by the next morning there is a small knot and it feels bruised. I’m supposed to be massaging it, but it hurts to massage a bruise. I was complaining to Jennifer about it when I noticed her looking at a picture of a lady’s radiation burn online. It was a picture of what her skin looked like during her radiation treatment. I looked really sore. I asked Jennifer if hers was that bad and she said it was. I realized how ridiculous it was for me to be complaining about bruises on my butt. I will try to be tougher.

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I’ve brought a big bat. I’m already you see.
Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me.”
- Dr. Seuss

We Have Embryos!

We woke up early on Tuesday and made our way to Chicago. Traffic wasn't bad and we made it there early. After getting all signed in, and prepped, they took me to the surgical suite. It was a very scary room. It looked like an alien abduction was going to take place. The nurse said it was the least scary room they had. After I got all strapped in, I could feel the medicine start burning a little in my hand. I knew I was on my way to sleepy land. The anesthesiologist said "night night", I counted to 13 and before I knew it I was in recovery. They fed me juice and graham crackers and sent me on my way. The worst part was the pain med they gave me before I left. I opted for the stronger stuff since I knew we had a long ride and I didn't want to be in pain. Note to self: eat more than 2 graham crackers before you take pain med. I felt like a nauseous gummby. Shane kept asking me what I wanted to eat and I couldn’t even think hard enough to decide. He brought me back yogurt and chips. It did the trick and I was feeling better in no time. I got home and had hardly any pain. I was so impressed with myself. I thought it was going to be way worse......then the pain med wore off. I lost all my toughness. Luckily Jennifer was nice enough to take care of me.

I also had to take my first hormone injection last night. I was so nervous. All the other shots I had to take were in my belly. This one had to go into the muscle on my butt. The needle is so long. I was all freaked out about it. Jennifer put ice cubs on it first and I had a pillow to squeeze for when the needle went it, but.......I could barely feel it. Good thing because that happens every day now for at least a couple weeks. Hopefully longer, because if I get pregnant I keep taking them.

The doctors office called today to tell me about my egg count. They got 21 eggs out and 15 of them were mature. Of those 15 mature eggs, 11 fertilized (these are the embryos). That is a really good number. The nurse said I should be excited. They will either put them back in on Friday or Sunday. They decide on Friday morning. If there are 5 or more good embryos, they wait a few more days to distinguish the good from the best. If there are less than 5 they just pick two and put them in.

Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try.

Flowers

Shane sent me flowers at work on Monday. He wanted to let me know he was grateful for everything I’m doing for us. He is so sweet.

Long Night

The good news is the bathroom floor was not occupied last night. The shot did not make me sick, but something else did. Just as Shane was giving me the shot, in the middle of the night, I fainted. Luckily, the whole shot made it in. When I woke up I was laying on the bedroom floor and I thought to myself, "This is a funny place to have laid down". Then I saw Shane and remembered what happened. I was too scared to sleep after that. I probably only slept a couple hours here and there. I called the nurse this morning but she said not to worry. She doesn't hear of it happening often but she said it could just be the increase in my hormones that my body isn't use to. I don't have to take any shots tonight and I'm celebrating by going to a movie.

Tomorrow is a big day. We will be off to Chicago bright and early.

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney

Trigger Night

Another good appointment today. The nurse guessed that there might be 12 good eggs during the retrieval. After my appointments the nurse calls in the afternoon with my blood work results and my next step. I was very anxious today because I had to wait until after 6:30 to hear from them. I was so nervous they forgot about me because they usually call around 4. The nurse said they were very busy today but that the eggs were ready and that I should take a shot to trigger my ovulation tonight at 1:15am. She also told me about a million other instructions. I spent at least 20 min getting everything straight after I hung up. It makes me so nervous that I’m going to forget something and mess everything up. I made myself lists of what I need to do each day so that doesn’t happen.

Since ovulation is being triggered tonight, I will go in Tuesday (36 hours later) and they will take the mature eggs out of the follicles. I get a call Wednesday telling me how many eggs they got and how many fertilized.

I still had to take the shot tonight that makes me feel yucky but I don’t have to take it again! Shane was here tonight so he gave me the shot. I think I drove him crazy with instructions. One shot down and one to go. We will have to set our alarms for 1:15am. I’m crossing my fingers that the ovulation shot doesn’t make me sick. I’ve taken it twice before. One time I was laying on the bathroom floor and one time I was completely fine. Lets hope the bathroom floor stays clear tonight.

I am nervous and excited all at the same time!

Day 8 of Meds

Yesterday’s appointment went really well. The follicles are growing which means the meds are working. Things are going so smoothly that I get to skip one of the meds they ordered me. I go back tomorrow and find out when they retrieve the eggs from the follices. Three days later they put the fertilized embryos back in me.

During the day I feel better than I expected to, but the evenings are pretty hard. I take the meds at 7 and by 8:30-9 I feel nauseous. Shane brought me home hot chocolate last night and I couldn’t even drink it. Every time I move my stomach cramps up. The good news is, by the morning it is all gone. I hope that tonight is the last night I have to take them. I’m crossing my fingers that the nurse gives us good news tomorrow.


“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.”
- Mark Twain

Hot Cocoa

I feel like I should be a good hostess to my little follicles. It's not their fault thier cramping up my ovaries. But, I don't know how to be hospitable to a follicle. I decided if I were a follicle, I would want some warm hot chocolate all around me. And only the best for my little follicles, so off to McDonalds I went. It is $3 of pure heaven. Also, it put me in a good mood for shot time. The ganirelix hurts. I have to put a cold pack on afterwards. Jennifer tried to trick me tonight and stuck me before I was ready. She thought the pain was all in my head and if I wasn't thinking about it, it wouldn't hurt. She was wrong, but it was nice of her to try. I'm off to the doctors again tomorrow. I'm excited to see some proof that the meds are working.

“You can do what you have to do, and sometimes you can do it even better than you think you can.”
- Jimmy Carter

Hello Follicles

The follicles have arrived! My ultrasound revealed approximately 13 little follicles growing in my ovaries. There are two overacheivers in there that are 14mm. The lab will call this afternoon to let me know how my results will change my meds. The nurse predicted that i will decrease the hormone that makes the follicles grow and add 2 more shots. One will keep me from ovulating until its time and I'm not sure what the other one does. Ive decided not to read the warning labels. For some reason, if I read about it, I think it's happening to me. No need to create symtoms that aren't there.

The picture attached is of my right ovary. The black things that look like rocks are my follicles. If you look real hard, in the top righthand follicle, you can see a little baby shape. Its kind of like looking in the clouds and thinking you see a giraffe, but im still excited. My next utrasound is Friday. They expect to see lots of changes by then.




"There isn't a person anywhere who isn't capable of doing more than he thinks he can." -Henry Ford

Day 4

Today is day 4 of the meds. Until today I didn't feel much of an effect. I was starting to worry that my body was too use to the hormones and they werent working. But today my belly is a little tender and I can feel some cramping. Im excited for my appointment tomorrow. I hope we can see some progress.

First Appointment

Today's appointment went really well. I have the all clear to start meds tomorrow. There were no cysts in my ovaries and my hormone levels were fine. As always, the nurse had a hard time getting my blood. I don't know why my veins have to be so difficult. I left with three Band-Aids. I've decided that it hurts worse to take off the Band-Aids than to get the blood drawn.

I had my list of questions memorized today so I could slide them in casually while she was doing my monitoring. By asking my unofficial questions, I found out that there is a big packet of information that I never got. Since I skipped some initial steps that weren't needed because I had already had 2 IUI cycles, they didn't realize I hadn't had an appointment were I would have received it. I'm anxious to read it tonight.

The nurse reminded me to take one step at a time. Until my next appointment on Wednesday, all I have to do is take one shot a day. The shot is a hormone called Gonal-F. It makes my follicles grow larger in size and number. Each follicle houses an egg until it gets released during ovulation. During a normal cycle, only one follicles will produce a mature egg. So, in order to get lots of eggs out of one cycle, they have to give the follicles a little boost. They should be around a 12mm by next Wednesday. They are mature when they reach 16-18mm.

I don't know how many days it will take, but the nurse said I will start feeling really bloated and uncomfortable because of all the extra action in there. Its the same medicine I took before with the IUI's, just a lot more of it. At least when I feel yucky, I will know that it means the meds are working.

Hunkering Down

I only have a few more days to get ready. I’m trying to finish up projects and do some extra cleaning before I start feeling yucky again. I’ve also been compiling lists of books to read and shows to watch for the days I will be stuck in bed.

I reviewed the official Timeline the doctor’s office sent and there is only one medicine that I don’t know what to do with. I plan to take it with me to my appointment on Friday. I printed full page calendars for September and October so I can keep track of when to do what. My first three appointments are already scheduled and calendared. I’m feeling very prepared.


“Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.”
- Leon Joseph Suenens

Medicine, Medicine and More Medicine

I decided to write a blog because I want to remember what I am thinking and feeling during this experience. I’m sure some days will be really hard but hopefully there will be some really exciting ones too.

Just incase someone wants to follow me through this experience, I will give you some background info. So far we have done 2 IUI cycles with no success. There is only a 10-20% chance that an IUI cycle will work. I do believe that method would work eventually, but IVF has a 60% chance of working and the investment, being both time and money, would be put to better use.

The pharmacy called with the gigantic list of medicines they were shipping me. They didn’t know how much it would cost but said that I could set a limit on how much could be charged to my credit card. If it went over that limit, they would call me and I could either cancel the order or authorize the higher amount. Thinking that cancelling the order sounded pretty good at this point (considering how much meds they were trying to force on me) I set the limit at $50. I knew that there was no chance the medicine would cost any less than that. My guess was that the total would be around $500.

A couple days later the pharmacy called to tell me that the medicines cost more than I authorized. By this point I was done having my panic attack (for the moment) and had decided not to cancel the order. When the representative told me the total was going to be $350, I was relieved (I had planned on $500). She said “Oh, I thought you were going to be upset because I see you set your limit at $50”. I explained to her that it was my “temporary out” and that I would be fine with raising my limit.

A few days after that, the medicine came in the mail. The box is huge. There are so many syringes, I have no idea how I’m going to possibly use them all. The nurse won’t release or timeline, which tells me when and how to take everything, until our blood work comes back and proves that we don’t have any infectious diseases. And thanks to my very loud nurse, everyone who was in the waiting room at the South Bend Medical Foundation during my testing now thinks I have HIV. Thank you nurse lady.

I don’t start my meds until next Saturday. I’m excited that I get one more week just to me be.